Thursday, February 24, 2011


the view from my room in Kelowna, BC, Canada, looking out on the Okanagan Lake

Sitting in the room of a resort looking out at the Okanagan Lake nestled in the mountains of British Columbia- the kids with friends, the husband at a meeting - it was quiet....Stepping onto the balcony taking in the crisp cool air, surrounded by mountains, clouds lingering and hinting of snow.

It's certainly a testimony of God's goodness and His good sense of humor that during a period of my husband's unemployment the job search has taken both of us to Europe and Canada. After such a season of hurt, feeling abandoned and thrown away, He continues to remind us to "be of good courage," to remember He holds our future - not the ones who hurt us. Boy would I love to get into His mind to see what He's up to.....

Over the past couple weeks as our reserves have faded and anxiety grows, God has brought several individuals and circumstances to bring encouragement to our hearts. He DOES provide. everything we truly need. not just the material, but He brings the deep spiritual things that our hearts long for...nourishment. I forget this.

On the Canadian bunny slope at Big White which seemed like a black diamond to me, laughing with new friends who felt like old ones renewed my spirit. Hearing my husband lead a large congregation in worship and him being affirmed by the church leaders -"this is what you were made for"- strengthened our resolve to stay the course. God took us three thousand miles away, gave me rest, made me quiet, gave me a glimpse of what could be. again. I was so deeply encouraged. as a wife partnering with her husband in ministry work. as a child of God. as a mother breathing in stillness to refuel for the return to her children. I was revived.

Every day I hustle, just trying to survive until bedtime, forgetting the joy He has given me. I starve in the famineland of what I can do rather than feast on how good He is. He proves Himself sufficient over and over again, yet I doubt. I look for a state of happiness where life and love and world are perfect, never to find it. I bury joy in Him and render myself useless for His kingdom.

I refuse quiet.

I bury my hope, my belief. I throw it away because my circumstances don't meet some imaginary standard of perfection. I forget all He has done for me today and over two thousand years ago. He is the Good Shepherd - meeting me, seeking me out, coming to rescue me in my forgetfulness. He gave me water from a rock and I forget.

For months I've wanted to rewind, to hit the Ctrl+Z, the undo button on my life to enter back into the season of blessing and community we foolishly left, but I am beginning to see that in all of it - the leaving, the coming into a hornet's nest, the family tension, sickness and loneliness in all of it, He carries me back to Himself. In Him I am made stronger, more confident in Who He is and more certain that 'I must decrease and He must increase.' that His grace is good, is sufficient to cover all my weakness, all my sin and doubt. That I am free in His mercy.

His love is sustaining, never ending and always meets me where I am. I don't have to put on a sunny, made up face or pretend I have this life stuff figured out - He sees through to my heart and comes to me - every. time. He comes to me not because of any good in me, but because of the goodness of Christ He has bestowed to me. I am His child.

Feeling the breeze roll of the lake and sweep over my face encouraged me to remember the One to whom I belong who wants me to rest in His faithfulness.

Pay attention to the "Yet God..." and "But God..." moments
Isaiah 30:15-26
This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, 
 in quietness and trust is your strength, 
but you would have none of it. 
You said, ‘No, we will flee on horses.’ 
Therefore you will flee! 
You said, ‘We will ride off on swift horses.’ 
 Therefore your pursuers will be swift! 
A thousand will flee 
at the threat of one; 
at the threat of five 
 you will all flee away, 
till you are left 
like a flagstaff on a mountaintop, 
 like a banner on a hill.”
Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; 
therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. 
For the LORD is a God of justice. 
Blessed are all who wait for him!
People of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Then you will desecrate your idols overlaid with silver and your images covered with gold; you will throw them away like a menstrual cloth and say to them, “Away with you!” He will also send you rain for the seed you sow in the ground, and the food that comes from the land will be rich and plentiful. In that day your cattle will graze in broad meadows. The oxen and donkeys that work the soil will eat fodder and mash, spread out with fork and shovel. In the day of great slaughter, when the towers fall, streams of water will flow on every high mountain and every lofty hill. The moon will shine like the sun, and the sunlight will be seven times brighter, like the light of seven full days, when the LORD binds up the bruises of his people and heals the wounds he inflicted.